Goals, Resolutions, and Mission: An Evolution
It’s not that I wasn’t taught how to set goals. Mormons are big on goals overall, and I spent over 6 years from the age of 12-18 specifically setting and working on goals in a church program for young women called “Personal Progress.” But goals weren’t enough for me to make the kind of progress I really needed.
Take for example these goals that I found recently. Based on a few items included on the list, I assume these were set sometime between 1998 and 2000. I’m also including some information about how I did with those goals.
5 year goals
Begin concert career—Didn’t happen.
Full-time job with benefits—Nope
Or enough income from teaching and gigs to pay bills and create my own benefits package—No again.
Washer and dryer—Kind of. I rent a townhome that has a washer and dryer in it.
If married, consider children—The if part never happened, and neither did the children
Car paid off—Yes!
All belongings in the same state—mostly, but apparently there are still of few of my things in my mom’s storage unit.
10 year goals
Established performance career—no
Good job or private studio—Yes. Last year, I finally had the studio size I needed.
Children????—no
Credit card debt paid off—Yes, but mental and physical healthcare costs have taken my balances almost as high as they were before.
Buy a house—no
New piano (baby grand)—no
Begin retirement savings—no. It’s hard to save when you’re not making enough money to pay all the bills.
New car—no. Still driving the 98 Saturn.
So, basically 14 goals (the full-time job or enough self-employment to create a benefits package count as one). And how many of them did I achieve? 2 definite yeses. 3 kind ofs. Not a great success rate. Despite all my training with goals, they weren't getting me very far.
At some point, I switched from goals to resolutions, and by 2008 was including this statement with my New Year’s resolutions: “I resolve to be more realistic about what I can accomplish.” You can see my 2010 resolutions that included this statement here.
My resolutions still had the traps I had fallen into with goals. For example, there were several things I wanted to do “every day.” If that isn’t a set up for failure, I don’t know what is. Mess up once and it’s destroyed. But I also started changing the language with some items. “Continue to improve my eating habits” gave space to acknowledge past successes and to sometimes slip, but generally move in the right direction. Other items encouraged me to do a little at a time. “Keep on top of laundry, ironing (I gave up on that), de-cluttering, cleaning, and managing finances. It’s OK to just do a little bit of a job. A little is better than nothing. “
In 2013, I took “do a little” to a whole new level with a “baby steps” approach.
Do one thing each day towards keeping the house cleaner. This can be as small as putting my dishes in the dishwasher.
Check the mail more often.
Smile at someone for no reason at least once a day. Read.
Sing.
Listen.
Play.
Write.
Meditate.
Breathe. With intent.
Move.
Connect.
Feel joy.
Simple. Small. Purposeful. I may not accomplish anything grand this year, but I hope to spend more time in self-care, more time nurturing the things that bring peace to my life, and more time sharing that with others.
And in 2015, I modified my approach again, and for the first time, I think I found something resembling the kind of approach I need to succeed.
Personal Care and Enrichment
I love to write. I really do. But that daily writing thing is what other people think that I should do. My goal for this year is when I feel inspired to write ASAP, and not put it off thinking that I'll get back to it later.
Read because I want to. Read some fluff, read some challenging things, read whatever I feel like at the moment.
Do something, even a very little something, towards keeping my house more organized and clean. (Don't hold your breath on this one.)
Work on staying gluten free and on limiting chocolate, sugar, and milk. Feeling better is the focus. I'd love to get back to salad every day. My body would love it too.
Listen to my body and know when enough is enough. I'm doing plenty of exercise. I just need to be patient and not push too hard.
Improve the frequency and efficiency of my practice. Singing. Piano. Tai Chi.
Daily spiritual feasting which may include, but certainly is not limited to:
poetry
music, especially hymns
study of religious texts
listening to podcasts
In 2018 and 2019, instead of a list of resolutions, I wrote A Prayer for a New Year and A New Covenant.
Goals, resolutions, prayers, covenants—they’re all aspirational. They’re about who I want to be and what I want to do. That is true even when they are influenced by outside sources. Aspiration is good and productive, but so is knowing who you are.
I’ve spent the last few years learning about who I really am, who my truest self is, and what my purpose here on this earth really is. These words from Martha Graham to Agnes de Mille have been a guiding star for me since way back when I set those five and ten year goals. But my understanding and application of them has changed tremendously.
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium, and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
(By the way, you should totally Google Martha Graham quotes. She is my hero. So much wisdom.)
So many things to love about this quote, but I think the most important part is the context. This is part of what Agnes de Mille said to Martha Graham before Graham replied with the now famous quote.
“The work wasn’t good enough. All changed, all passed. There was no way of ensuring lasting beauty.”Those words make me feel seen and known and hopeful. Agnes de Mille, THE AGNES DE MILLE, thought her work wasn’t good enough and the beauty wouldn’t last. Read her bio, but here’s just a little example of her work and lasting beauty. Her revolutionary work choreographing Oklahoma changed the world of musical theatre.
And so, I’ve chosen to step beyond goals and resolutions, and into the discovery of who I truly am and the work that I am called to do that no one else can. I choose to step into the openness and vulnerability that facilitates both the understanding of my gifts and helping those gifts find their way into the world. Prayers and Covenants will continue to be my forms of New Year’s Resolutions. I have a mission, a call, and a work to do that no one else can. I will not let it be lost.
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